Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
