Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize