Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
