There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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