you guys were way drunker than both of me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
