dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
