HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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