i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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