You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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