I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
