Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
