Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
