My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
