But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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