Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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