Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
