Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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