I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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