my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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