Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize