My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
