I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
