guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
