I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
