I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
