the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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