I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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