No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
