thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
