i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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