these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
