and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
