if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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