8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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