How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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