I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
