it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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