Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just pee around me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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