i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
