oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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