margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
