The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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