I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I believe in your delicious
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
