I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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