so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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