Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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