guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
