yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
