just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
