I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize