Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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