why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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