yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
