I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
