FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
