i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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