I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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