thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
