then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
