I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
3pm strippers are depressing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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