Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
