There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
