He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
