check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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