I've blown a few things in my day
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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