Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
