not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
