You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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