Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
