I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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