I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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