I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
