pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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