omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
