Well douche your snatch and let's go!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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