Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
